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Alcoholics
Anonymous
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A GUIDE TO STEP 4 This Guide
has been passed from hand to hand at 12 Step meetings over the years and is offered
here only as a tool you may find useful in your own 12 Step program. This
Guide is not promoted or endorsed as an official program or curriculum of
Alcoholics Anonymous or any other organization. INTRODUCTION
Many readers
find the instructions for Step 4 contained in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous
(called Big Book in the rest of this Guide) confusing and complex. This
paper, passed from hand to hand at meetings over the years, is written to
reflect the experience of certain members of the fellowship of Alcoholics
Anonymous in analyzing these instructions and their experience in taking this
step in accordance with the instructions given in the book. Those who have
taken this step in the manner suggested in the Big Book, including the
inventory, the analysis and the study and prayer suggested by the book, have
found it to be an exciting and rewarding experience. This experience is
available to anyone who will complete each of the following steps to the best
of his or her ability in the order in which they are given. Perfection is not
required, but a good effort involving honesty, open-mindedness and
willingness is essential. Do not skip any instruction, and complete each
instruction before proceeding to the next. INSTRUCTION 1
Read the
following and understand what we are doing. I. The Time and Purpose of
Step Four
Perhaps the
greatest promise made by the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is that God, as you
understand Him will do for you what you cannot do for yourself. This promise
carries with it the obvious condition that you must do what you can. When we have
made the decision required by Step 3, the Big Book warns us that if we want a
permanent result, we have to start a personal inventory to get down to causes
and conditions. The specific
instructions for taking this step are contained from Page 64 to page 71 the
Big Book. These instructions should be read carefully at this point. II. What Do We Seek?
The inventory
is described as a fact-finding and fact-facing process. We are said to be
seeking the truth about ourselves and to honestly take stock of our lives. We
are to search out the flaws in our make-up, which caused our failure.
Throughout the Big Book, it is stated that self, selfishness and
self-centeredness were the root of our troubles. Being convinced that self,
manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its
common manifestations. These common manifestations are grouped in three
categories - - resentment, fear and sex relationships. Each of these common
manifestations is treated separately in the inventory. III. Resentments - - The
Number One Offender
From these
thoughts or mental attitudes come all types of spiritual disease. We are
instructed to list all people, institutions or principles with whom we were
angry or had resentments. What is resentment? a. Webster's
Dictionary defines "resentment" as "indignation or ill-will
felt as a result of a real or imagined offense." Webster's then refers
the reader to the word "anger" and gives other examples of this
thought or feeling, which include rage, fury, ire, wrath, resentment and
indignation. These words denote varying degrees of displeasure from anger - strong,
intense and explosive - to the longer lasting resentment - ill will and
suppressed anger generated by a sense of being wronged or being wrong. b. In
summary, and with resentment broadly defined, we are dealing with a negative
or unpleasant thought or feeling caused or generated by the real or imagined
act or failure to act of a person, institution, or principle. c. Persons,
institutions or principle may need some explanation. Remember you are a
person, and your action or failure to act may very well cause you to think or
feel bad (generally, this resentment of ourselves is called
"guilt"). Institutions are any group of people, authorities,
companies, governmental agencies or other organizations. A principle
is a basic truth or law. Many of these basic truths or laws have and do
offend us, for example: 1. Alcoholism
is an incurable, progressive disease. 2. Honesty is
the best policy. 3. As you
give, you receive - - (each of us suffers the consequences of his own action - - there is no free lunch). 4. When you are
disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with you. 5. A life
lived without self-examination is not worth living (Socrates). IV - Preparing the Grudge
List
With the
foregoing instructions in mind, a list should be prepared of the people,
institutions or principles that have caused or do cause you to have
resentment, as defined above. Certain points should be remembered: 1. If you can
remember the resentment, you should list it, even though you think you are
over it. Go back through your life. Being thorough and honest is what counts.
A review of family albums, school annuals and the like may help you be
thorough. Some people write a short autobiography of their life to assist
them in their memory. 2. Do not
concern yourself with whether you should or should not have the feeling - -
just make the list and nothing more at this point. 3. Throughout
the taking of Step 4 and at times thereafter, you will recall other people,
institutions and principles that have caused these negative thoughts and
feelings. You can add to this list any time, but do not spend too much time
worrying about how complete the list is. Simply do the best you can over a
reasonable period of time (perhaps one week). INSTRUCTION 2
Make a list
of the people, institutions and principles you resent. INSTRUCTION 3
When you have
completed your Grudge List, and not before, purchase and mark a spiral
notebook as described below. At this time we will begin to analyze our
resentments. Analysis of
Resentments: When you have completed your list, and not before, each resentment must be analyzed. Step 4 will mean very
little unless you come to understand each resentment
and learn from it. The following procedure has proven helpful in this
understanding and analysis. 1. Purchase a
spiral notebook and open it so that you have a blank page on either side of
the wire spiral. What a ruler or straightedge, divide each of these pages
vertically so that when both pages are divided, you have a total of four
columns. Turn the page and repeat this process until have divided several
pages in this manner. The columns on each page should be labeled as follows: Column 1:
"Name" Column 2:
"Cause" Column 3:
"Effect" Column 4:
(should be left blank for the time being) INSTRUCTION 4
One at a time
you must take each resentment from your Grudge List
and enter it into Column 1. Then complete 2 and 3 as described below.
Complete the analysis of each resentment before
taking the next one from the Grudge List. The following is a step-by-step
description of this instruction: a. Take the
first name from your Grudge List and write it in Column 1 on the first page. b. In Column
2, write a few words that describe each and every event or circumstance you
can recall which causes you to resent the person named in Column 1. This is a
very important part of the analysis - - we learn from specific events, not
general complaints (for example, we learn little from the complaint that
"he was always lying" but we learn much from a specific "he
told me he wasn't married"). c. Opposite
each of the events you have listed in Column 2, write the reason the event or
circumstance bothered you. Specifically ask yourself: 1. Did it
affect my self-esteem (the way I think of myself or want others to think of
me)? 2. Did it
affect my pocketbook? 3. Did it
affect my ambition (what I wanted or needed)? 4. Was one of
my personal relationships affected or threatened? 5. If the
effects described in paragraphs "a" through "d" above do
not accurately describe the affect the event had upon you, write a few words
to explain how you felt and how you were affected. 6. COMPLETE
THE ANALYSIS OF EACH OF YOUR RESENTMENTS ARISING OUT OF EACH OF THE EVENTS
BEFORE GOING FURTHER WITH THE INVENTORY. INSTRUCTION 5
When Columns
1-3 have been completed for each resentment, take a little time to look back
over them and then take the following action: a. Study and
Prayer. Read and study the Big Book from the paragraph that begins at the
bottom of page 65 through the second paragraph on page 67. Ask yourself these
questions about each resentment and each event causing it and write a brief
paragraph reflecting your answers: 1. Having
determined who was at fault, did I go further in my study of this event? 2. Did I try
to retaliate, fight back or run? What was the result? Did it help? 3. Is it
clear to you that a life, which includes one of these resentments, leads only
to futility and unhappiness? Has the resentment ever benefited you in any
way, or have you squandered hours thinking about the resentment? Do you
realize and understand that these thoughts separate you from God? Do you know
that these thoughts will lead to you to the insanity of the first drink, and
with us, to drink is to die? 4. Do you
understand that through our thoughts and reactions to people, places and
things, the world and its people dominate us? Do you understand that until we
progress beyond the point of simply stop blaming others, or ourselves there
can be no growth or solution? 5. Can you
forgive? 6. Do you
recognize that other people have the same problem with life that you have had
and many of them are spiritually sick? 7. Here, we
pray for those on our lists, asking for the same tolerance and patience we
would have for a newcomer. We ask for guidance in ways that we can become helpful;
to be saved from our anger; and ask for God's will to be done! b. The
Beginning of Growth. As noted earlier, it is a spiritual axiom that when I am
disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something the matter with me.
Note that you have listed and understood the resentment and how it affected
you. Having stopped blaming, you can now look for your own actions or
reactions. In the past we went no further than to declare that someone was
wrong. Isn't it true that we acted or reacted during each event or
circumstance? Didn't we become angry? Depressed? Filled with self-pity, envy,
jealousy, etc.? Didn't this affect our lives and the lives of those close to
us? INSTRUCTION 6
Complete
Column 4 as follows: 1. At the top
of the fourth column on each page, insert the words my faults or mistakes. 2. For each
person, institution or principle and for each event, as yourself: a. Where have
I been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened? b. Where was
I to blame? c. How did I
act or react? How did this affect me and those close to me? d. Write down
your faults as revealed by the above questions in the fourth column opposite
each person, institution or principle and each event. e. When you
have concluded all of the instructions with respect to resentments, and not
before, proceed to fear. INSTRUCTION
7 -
Fear - - Touches every aspect of our lives Read from the
third paragraph appearing on page 67 of the Big Book through the first three
full paragraphs on page 68. Then take the following action: a.
"Fear" Defined. Webster's Dictionary defines "fear" as
"a feeling of alarm or disquiet caused by the expectation of danger,
pain, disaster" or the like (being found out, being known for what you
know or think you are). It is said that the driving force in the life of most
alcoholics is the self-centered fear that we will lose something we have or
that we will not get something we think we need or want. b. Listing of
Fears. On a page following the section on resentments, write a short
description of each fear that you have experienced. Remember, under the topic
"Resentments" (paragraph III. (f) 2 a, above) you have already
asked yourself about the impact of fear on your resentments. We now complete
the list of times, places and circumstances that evoke this feeling (i.e.,
snakes, bugs, heights, women, men, etc.). INSTRUCTION 8
Write a short
analysis of each fear. a. Analysis
of Fear. Having listed each of the fears, we should write a short analysis of
these fears in our effort to understand them. It is said that each of these
fears sets in motion chains of circumstances, which brought about or caused
us misfortunes. Can you cite examples where this occurred? Why do you have
each fear? Was it because self-reliance failed? Were you about to be harmed
in some way by something you could not control or avoid? Can you run away
from fear? How did I act or react to fear? Did my fear affect others? What
should we now rely upon, if not ourselves? INSTRUCTION 9
a. Study and
Prayer. When our fears have been listed and the above questions answered, the
Big Book gives us the solution to fear in the second and third paragraphs
appearing on page 68. We are also given a short prayer on page 68 that helps
us deal with our fears. This solution and prayer should be directed toward
each of your fears. INSTRUCTION 10
This section
of the inventory is covered in the Big Book from the last paragraph
commencing on page 68 through the end of Chapter 5. This material should be
read at this point. a. Scope of
Inventory. This portion of the inventory begins by clearly discussing sexual
relationships. On page 70 of the Big Book, a broader view of our
relationships is important, and it is therefore suggested that we review our
relationship with each of the important people in our lives, as well as all
sexual relationships. INSTRUCTION 11
List those
persons who are important in your life and any other person affected by your
drinking or self-centeredness. a. Preparing
a List of Relationships. Following fears in your inventory book, you should
list the names of the persons to be studied. These should include both sexual
and other relationships, including family, business, friends, etc. INSTRUCTION 12
Write a brief
paragraph about each relationship. a. With
respect to each person named on your list of relationships, write a short
paragraph which answers the following questions - - remember to deal with
specific events: 1. Was I
selfish in this relationship? 2. Was I
dishonest in this relationship? 3. Was I inconsiderate
in this relationship? 4. Whom did I
hurt? 5. Did I
arouse jealousy? 6. Did I
arouse suspicion? 7. Did I
arouse bitterness? 8. Was I at
fault? 9. What
should I have done? b. Study and Prayer.
Through study and prayer, we seek to shape sane and sound ideals for our
future sex life and our relationships. Whatever our ideals turn out to be, we
must be willing to make amends for past wrongs, providing we do not bring
about still more harm in so doing. In prayer and meditation we ask God what
we should do about each specific matter, and we are told the right answer
will come if we want it. On page 70 in the first paragraph in the Big Book,
we are given instructions on how to proceed toward our new ideal. Refer to
paragraph 2 on page 70 of the Big Book for the summary. In these troublesome
areas we are told to throw ourselves into helping others. SUMMARY
Read the last
two paragraphs of Chapter 5. It is also helpful to read Chapter 4 of the
"Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" at this point. Have you left
anything out of your inventory? Have you failed to list any event or subject
the memory of which causes you to be uncomfortable? If, so, you should write
it down. CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE COMPLETED STEP
FOUR!! STEP FIVE
Read pages 72
through the first full paragraph on page 75 in the Big Book - - Take Step
Five |